Using Emotional Intelligence to Increase Your Influence and Success

Emotional intelligence (sometimes referred to as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps us to build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve our career and personal goals. It can also help us to connect with our feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to us.

There are four attributes associated with emotional intelligence:

1. Self-management – This is similar to the locus of control, to the degree to which you have control over your life. You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviours, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take the initiative in activities, follow through on commitments, and you can adapt to changing circumstances. 
2. Self-awareness – This relates to your ability to identify, understand and manage your emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour. You know who you are and you have a realistic grasp of your strengths and weaknesses, which in turn gives you self-confidence.
3. Social awareness – Social awareness is the ability to take the perspective of and empathise with others who come from diverse backgrounds and different cultures. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, and feel socially comfortable.
4. Relationship management – You can relate to and get on with people, without being either aggressive or passive. You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is applying your understanding of your own emotions and the emotions of others and using it constructively. Knowledge of emotional intelligence enables us to sense and use our emotions to better manage social situations, improve decision-making and achieve positive outcomes. By recognising, understanding, and dealing with both our own emotions and those of others, we are more likely to be successful. 

Developing emotional intelligence 

Every day our emotions pull us in different directions, sometimes to anger, sometimes to fear, some time to joy and sometimes to tranquillity. This is normal and natural. What we don’t want is to spend too much time dwelling on the negatives. Understanding emotional intelligence helps us to improve how we respond to emotions to get the most out of ourselves and others. 

Daniel Goleman developed the concept of emotional intelligence. He has identified five emotional competencies. These are essential to managing ourselves and to leading people successfully: 

1. Knowing your emotions – self-awareness 
2. Managing emotions 
3. Motivating yourself and others 
4. Recognising emotions in others and showing empathy 
5. Maintaining relationships and staying connected. 

The competency hierarchy 

These emotional competencies build on one another in a hierarchy. The first step is to know our emotions. For example, we need to be able to identify our own emotional state (competency 1) if we are to manage our emotions (competency 2). Similarly, we need to achieve the first three competencies if we are to use empathy (competency 4) to influence others positively. Finally, the first four competencies are needed to maintain good, successful, and productive relationships (competency 5). Each of these emotional competencies is described below. 

1. Knowing your emotions – self-awareness

 Our past emotional experiences influence our current decision-making, so it is important to be aware of all our emotions if we are to avoid any negative cycles and, instead, make better decisions. Kt helps to identify and label our current emotional state: I am happy, anxious, excited. Once you label the emotion objectively, you can better deal with it.

2. Managing emotions 

Once we can recognise our emotions, we can develop strategies and responses to manage our emotions. Especially when it comes to negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and sadness. You may take a break or remove yourself from the negative situation for a while, have a short burst of exercise, or make your discomfort known.

3. Motivating yourself and others 

To create a supportive, enthusiastic workplace; you must know how to motivate others. We must sensitively understand each of the individuals in our work circle and ethically use this information to achieve our aims. This involves being sensitive to what affects a person’s enthusiasm and then providing the right approach. 

4. Recognising emotions in others and showing empathy 

To influence others and gain their trust and commitment, it is essential to understand a person’s emotions and then respond appropriately. It’s important not to be swayed by their emotions either. Reconfirm the emotion in the other person, and then harness it constructively.

5. Maintaining relationships and staying connected 

Whenever we relate to another human being, there is an emotional exchange that passes between us. These interactions have an effect: they make us feel better or worse. This creates a secret economy that is the key to motivating people – a key that we can use to develop better relationships. With better relationships there is less time for conflict and grudges. This is like putting money in a piggy bank every day you put a few pennies in and over time something of great value is built up.

An emotionally intelligent leader is more likely to successfully manage relationships in a crisis. Inspiring others and managing conflict. They connect on a deeper level via EQ. Developing your emotional intelligence will make you a better leader as you can inspire confidence, communicate effectively, and successfully collaborate with others in the workplace. This key skill ensures you can get the most out of your team while achieving your own personal and professional goals.